Behaviors
Being a Spiritual Facilitator, I am led to know specifically how false beliefs have a negative effect on behavior. I target a false belief, and then help release it so that it no longer slows or blocks progression. When I help clients recognize the reasons why they do what they do, I can better find the tools to aid in changing the negative behavior for a more positive and more functional behavior. With this process, we get to the root of the issue, instead of guessing or making a generalized assumption about what is going on.
I have found that there are always beliefs behind behaviors, both true and untrue. Beliefs are often connected to past emotions. Those negative emotions trigger a behavior to either protect or defend your self.You may have a heightened awareness connected to that emotion, and you may react according to your belief. Sometimes we over react according to the exaggerated beliefs we hold.
Beliefs are held in our bodies on physical and emotional levels. Emotional behaviors are not as noticeable as the physical. We often think that emotional beliefs are just part of our personality.
Here are just a few possible examples of negative behaviors that are connected to trapped negative emotions:
-Hiding both emotionally and physically:physically hiding in a closet, room, bed, etc. and not wanting to leave these places for a long period of time. The person is escaping from something that they do not want to face. I find that wanting to escape is common. But deeper down, the need to escape is connected with not wanting to deal with negative emotions. Eventually trying to escape those negative emotions will cause physical pain in certain areas of the body. Many people choose to escape through substance abuse, eating disorders or anything that becomes and obsession or addiction.
Often, these places where we tuck negative emotions away in our bodies have symbolic meanings behind them, such as:
-Feelings of Bitterness: being bitter towards a situation or person could show up in the gallbladder, as in the gall of bitterness,
-Physically Putting Your Hands Out or Keeping People at a Distance: is a fear of letting people in because of past hurts, betrayal, or fear of being exposed or real, or showing who we really are.
-Crossing Yourself: habitually crossing arms orlegs, restricting yourself from being vulnerable or open to other people, or fear judgment from others.
-Bursts of Anger or Criticism: triggered emotions of not being in control enough or being controlled too much.
-Excessive/Uncontrollable Crying: not being able to control what people think of you, putting your worth on the thoughts of others, etc.
Extra Large Energy: to where you can feel it when that person enters the room. It is a way to try to control others through wanting attention. Or it can be manifested in never being satisfied with the words or compliments of others and always seeking more.
-Immediately Blaming Others: taking the attention away from your own false or misleading actions. Pointing the finger at others often means that very thing is the problem in the person doing the blaming.
Often, those who have a habit of blaming others do not set healthy boundaries for themselves or for those around them. By not setting healthy boundaries, we compromise our integrity. Blaming others also sends the false message that the other person is incapable of living up to their best ability or potential.
-Growling (mostly for children): or whining or moaning while talking to ones self. Often times we feel our environment is out of our control so we behave in such a way to try and manipulate and try to take back our control, we can also do this through being very bossy-making sure we are in control.
-Symptoms of Allergies: connected to intolerance to a situation. For example, we were in the processes of moving and my husband mentioned that we would be boxing things up and organizing the next day. The next morning I was sneezing and had a runny nose, watery eyes, etc. I looked deeper into my feelings, and the belief I felt was dread. I had to laugh at myself because who really likes to move! The fact is that it was an imbalanced belief, and my body reacted to how I was really feeling deep down. The imbalanced reaction in my body was a perfect indicator that I held an imbalanced belief.
-Pulling chunks of hair out: (Trichotillomania) a hair pulling disorder. The belief behind this disorder varies from person to person depending on what has occurred in his/her life to trigger this disorder. For example: not feeling perfect enough so as to eliminate imperfect patches of hair. Or in their mind eliminating the imperfection in their life through pulling those spots of imperfection on the head.
We may have beliefs that stop, block or even slow us way down, however, through Christ we are able to see our worth. We have the ability to fight for what is naturally ours, and sometimes we just need a new perspective on what that really looks like for us. Christ is the way to healing and I am grateful for my Savior for this gift in being able to help other reach our true potentials.
"The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in...The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature."
-Ezra Taft Benson
Below is a personal life story from one of my clients. She has overcome and still working through the habitual part of this very hard to break behavior of Triotillomania (hair pulling disorder) and I am so proud of her.
“I've been dealing with Trich since around the age of 8. I'm about to be 30 years old in a month so I've been battling this disorder for a long time. It came almost like a thief in the night. I was sitting on the sofa with my mother playing with my hair and felt a course strand of hair and felt the urge to pull it out. When I pulled, I noticed the root, which made me a want to pull even more. I searched my head for course strands until my mother noticed what I was doing. By then, there was already a golf ball size bald spot in my head. As weeks went by, the condition got worse. By the time I was 10, the long, full and curly hair I once had was gone.
Life went on with me pulling and trying my best to cover up what I could, all the way from being a youngchild, teenager, and currently now a young woman. I justified the baldness with the reason of some unknown medical condition or stress. As I grew older, I was able to cover up my patches with weaves, which only enabled my pulling. I wanted to stop but didn't feel any pressure to because I was able to mask the condition with weaves or scarfs.
I tried to control the disorder many ways on my own by shaving my head, thinking that the "start brand new" method would help me when it came to pulling. Unfortunately, it didn't help and now that I look back on it, it only made me feel so defeated when I would pull again. I would make a bet with myself to see how long I could go without pulling, thinking that if I just pulled a little at a time that will satisfy the urges or I would wear weave for as long as possible because it would cover the hair I would pull. I sought out medical advice and was prescribed a depression medication, which I never took because I felt like I wasn't depressed. Another huge one was praying for the disorder to go away. I prayed many, many times to God and asked him to help me control my urges and to get rid of the disorder. None of these "self help" treatments seemed to work. Up until a few monthsago.
I've spent the last 4-5 years getting more in-tune with my spiritual life. I changed the crowd I was hanging around, stop drinking, built a stronger relationship with my children, becoming more independent and trying to understand love. Especially self-love. After a night of pulling, I got up the next day and questioned how I could love myself so much but do something that brings me so much shame and hurt. I came in my room, laid in my bed and asked God to give me alone time with Him. I asked Him to not let my phone ring or to hear a knock at my door (I was expecting company). I talked to God. I expressed my frustration I have with Trich and how I need and want help to control it.
I've prayed before but this time I asked Him to help guide me through it instead of expecting Him to just make it go away. I asked Him for his strength if I had to control this disorder alone. I asked Him for guidance. I asked Him to help me with the feeling of shame that has hindered me from seeking help. I just poured my all into Him. I felt like I needed to be specific with what I was asking for. I knew that I couldn't just expect Him to make this go away and I told Him that whatever work needs to be done, I'm willing to do it.
By no means am I someone who is super religious but I do believe in a higher being. If I had any doubt in my mind about my faith, this whole situation would make me a believer.
A week later I went on Instagram and typed in "Trich" in search field. Trying to find success stories/before and after photos of people who suffer from Trich. I found people with the disorder but there weren’t any success stories. Just post of people sharing their battles. If there were success stories,there seemed to always be a follow up on a relapse. Which to me at that time was very discouraging. I was looking for hope that this can be controlled with no relapses.
I came across a woman's post who was a trichologist named Ky Smith. I made a comment on one of her posts, asking for her help. I assumed she was someone who specializes in Trichotillomania, since she mentioned she was a trichologist. She reached out to me that same day and gave me her contact info.
A week later I spoke to her on the phone and she told me she doesn't specialize in Trich but she does specialize in hair (maintaining growth and hair care). She suggested that I speak with a woman by the name of Jennece after I explained a little of my story to her. She knew just as well as I did that the issue with my pulling was something that needed to be fixed from the inside out.
A few weeks later I spoke with Jennece and explained my issue to her. I was really nervous because this help that I asked for needed me to be open in order to receive any type of healing. The feeling of shame and embarrassment went away with each session I had with her.
During my first session we were able to pinpoint why I pull. It was such a relief to be aware of what I was doing and why I was doing it. My sessions were almost like cleaning house. She would pay attention so well to things I would say and then repeat things back to me so I could get a better understanding on how they affected me. The guidance given during my sessions has helped me tremendously. Self-love has been the number one reason (next to praying) why I've been able to come as far as I have without any huge pulling episodes.
Another contributing factor to my recovery is the "clean house" – or what Jennece calls "clearing" – that has happened in the past 5 months. Identifying traumas that contributed to my Trichotillomania has improved my urges to pull dramatically. When I felt an urge coming, I was to do the opposite of what would trigger me to pull. I’ve even stopped the triggers that make me have the urge to pull as well.
I'm so very thankful for the guidance I received from Jennece to help me battle some of my subconscious issues that ultimately helped me control my Trich. I know there will be trying days ahead of me, but I have faith and strength and confidence to release any urges to pull.
This disorder doesn't have to control you. You can control it!
-TK
1st photo- Me a few month before Trich.
2nd photo- The day after Trich.
3rd photo- A few years with Trich. There was a mini fro on my head that I tried to pull into a ponytail.
4th photo- One of the time I shaved my head to avoid pulling (that was my right side of my head).
5th photo- 2014 was when the photo was taken. That was an "episode" of pulling only took one night for that damage.
6th photo- Taken after an episode from early that week. Under the weave is baldness. I was able to mask the bald patches very well with weave. People always assumed the weave was my real hair.
7th and 8th photo- Taken in Feb/2016 the month I sought help. Before I spoke to Jennece I had a very bad episode of pulling.
*All photo after this have been during the time I started sessions with Jennece*
9th photo- A photo of me weaving weave, which I hadn't done for about a month. During the transition of controlling the urges to pull, I stop weaving weave because it was often a trigger around my edges.
10th photo- I would wear all different kind of scarfs to work and in public.
11th photo- Taken May/2016. This photo shows the regrowth since Feb/2016. This stage of regrowth is crucial because this is typically a phase I relapse. It's now June/2016 and I haven't had any major relapse. I did however almost have a relapse. Due to that possible relapse, there is a very small spot (compared to damage that I normally do) in the back of my head.
