Behaviors

Being a Spiritual Facilitator, I am led to know specifically how false beliefs have a negative effect on behavior. I target a false belief, and then help release it so that it no longer slows or blocks progression. When I help clients recognize the reasons why they do what they do, I can better find the tools to aid in changing the negative behavior for a more positive and more functional behavior. With this process, we get to the root of the issue, instead of guessing or making a generalized assumption about what is going on. 

I have found that there are always beliefs behind behaviors, both true and untrue. Beliefs are often connected to past emotions. Those negative emotions trigger a behavior to either protect or defend your self.You may have a heightened awareness connected to that emotion, and you may react according to your belief. Sometimes we over react according to the exaggerated beliefs we hold. 

Beliefs are held in our bodies on physical and emotional levels. Emotional behaviors are not as noticeable as the physical. We often think that emotional beliefs are just part of our personality. 

Here are just a few possible examples of negative behaviors that are connected to trapped negative emotions:

-Hiding both emotionally and physically:physically hiding in a closet, room, bed, etc. and not wanting to leave these places for a long period of time. The person is escaping from something that they do not want to face. I find that wanting to escape is common. But deeper down, the need to escape is connected with not wanting to deal with negative emotions. Eventually trying to escape those negative emotions will cause physical pain in certain areas of the body.  Many people choose to escape through substance abuse, eating disorders or anything that becomes and obsession or addiction.

Often, these places where we tuck negative emotions away in our bodies have symbolic meanings behind them, such as:

-Feelings of Bitterness: being bitter towards a situation or person could show up in the gallbladder, as in the gall of bitterness, 

-Physically Putting Your Hands Out or Keeping People at a Distance: is a fear of letting people in because of past hurts, betrayal, or fear of being exposed or real, or showing who we really are.

-Crossing Yourself: habitually crossing arms orlegs, restricting yourself from being vulnerable or open to other people, or fear judgment from others. 

-Bursts of Anger or Criticism: triggered emotions of not being in control enough or being controlled too much. 

-Excessive/Uncontrollable Crying: not being able to control what people think of you, putting your worth on the thoughts of others, etc.

Extra Large Energy: to where you can feel it when that person enters the room. It is a way to try to control others through wanting attention. Or it can be manifested in never being satisfied with the words or compliments of others and always seeking more.

-Immediately Blaming Others: taking the attention away from your own false or misleading actions. Pointing the finger at others often means that very thing is the problem in the person doing the blaming.

Often, those who have a habit of blaming others do not set healthy boundaries for themselves or for those around them. By not setting healthy boundaries, we compromise our integrity. Blaming others also sends the false message that the other person is incapable of living up to their best ability or potential. 

-Growling (mostly for children): or whining or moaning while talking to ones self. Often times we feel our environment is out of our control so we behave in such a way to try and manipulate and try to take back our control, we can also do this through being very bossy-making sure we are in control.

-Symptoms of Allergies: connected to intolerance to a situation.  For example, we were in the processes of moving and my husband mentioned that we would be boxing things up and organizing the next day.  The next morning I was sneezing and had a runny nose, watery eyes, etc. I looked deeper into my feelings, and the belief I felt was dread. I had to laugh at myself because who really likes to move! The fact is that it was an imbalanced belief, and my body reacted to how I was really feeling deep down. The imbalanced reaction in my body was a perfect indicator that I held an imbalanced belief.

-Pulling chunks of hair out:  (Trichotillomania) a hair pulling disorder. The belief behind this disorder varies from person to person depending on what has occurred in his/her life to trigger this disorder. For example: not feeling perfect enough so as to eliminate imperfect patches of hair. Or in their mind eliminating the imperfection in their life through pulling those spots of imperfection on the head. 

We may have beliefs that stop, block or even slow us way down, however, through Christ we are able to see our worth. We have the ability to fight for what is naturally ours, and sometimes we just need a new perspective on what that really looks like for us. Christ is the way to healing and I am grateful for my Savior for this gift in being able to help other reach our true potentials. 

"The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in...The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature."

​​​​​-Ezra Taft Benson 

Below is a personal life story from one of my clients.  She has overcome and still working through the habitual part of this very hard to break behavior of Triotillomania (hair pulling disorder) and I am so proud of her. 

“I've been dealing with Trich since around the age of 8. I'm about to be 30 years old in a month so I've been battling this disorder for a long time. It came almost like a thief in the night. I was sitting on the sofa with my mother playing with my hair and felt a course strand of hair and felt the urge to pull it out. When I pulled, I noticed the root, which made me a want to pull even more. I searched my head for course strands until my mother noticed what I was doing. By then, there was already a golf ball size bald spot in my head. As weeks went by, the condition got worse. By the time I was 10, the long, full and curly hair I once had was gone.

Life went on with me pulling and trying my best to cover up what I could, all the way from being a youngchild, teenager, and currently now a young woman. I justified the baldness with the reason of some unknown medical condition or stress. As I grew older, I was able to cover up my patches with weaves, which only enabled my pulling. I wanted to stop but didn't feel any pressure to because I was able to mask the condition with weaves or scarfs.

I tried to control the disorder many ways on my own by shaving my head, thinking that the "start brand new" method would help me when it came to pulling. Unfortunately, it didn't help and now that I look back on it, it only made me feel so defeated when I would pull again. I would make a bet with myself to see how long I could go without pulling, thinking that if I just pulled a little at a time that will satisfy the urges or I would wear weave for as long as possible because it would cover the hair I would pull. I sought out medical advice and was prescribed a depression medication, which I never took because I felt like I wasn't depressed. Another huge one was praying for the disorder to go away. I prayed many, many times to God and asked him to help me control my urges and to get rid of the disorder. None of these "self help" treatments seemed to work. Up until a few monthsago.

I've spent the last 4-5 years getting more in-tune with my spiritual life. I changed the crowd I was hanging around, stop drinking, built a stronger relationship with my children, becoming more independent and trying to understand love. Especially self-love. After a night of pulling, I got up the next day and questioned how I could love myself so much but do something that brings me so much shame and hurt. I came in my room, laid in my bed and asked God to give me alone time with Him. I asked Him to not let my phone ring or to hear a knock at my door (I was expecting company). I talked to God. I expressed my frustration I have with Trich and how I need and want help to control it. 

I've prayed before but this time I asked Him to help guide me through it instead of expecting Him to just make it go away. I asked Him for his strength if I had to control this disorder alone. I asked Him for guidance. I asked Him to help me with the feeling of shame that has hindered me from seeking help. I just poured my all into Him. I felt like I needed to be specific with what I was asking for. I knew that I couldn't just expect Him to make this go away and I told Him that whatever work needs to be done, I'm willing to do it.

By no means am I someone who is super religious but I do believe in a higher being. If I had any doubt in my mind about my faith, this whole situation would make me a believer. 

A week later I went on Instagram and typed in "Trich" in search field. Trying to find success stories/before and after photos of people who suffer from Trich. I found people with the disorder but there weren’t any success stories. Just post of people sharing their battles. If there were success stories,there seemed to always be a follow up on a relapse. Which to me at that time was very discouraging. I was looking for hope that this can be controlled with no relapses.

I came across a woman's post who was a trichologist named Ky Smith. I made a comment on one of her posts, asking for her help. I assumed she was someone who specializes in Trichotillomania, since she mentioned she was a trichologist. She reached out to me that same day and gave me her contact info.

A week later I spoke to her on the phone and she told me she doesn't specialize in Trich but she does specialize in hair (maintaining growth and hair care). She suggested that I speak with a woman by the name of Jennece after I explained a little of my story to her. She knew just as well as I did that the issue with my pulling was something that needed to be fixed from the inside out. 

A few weeks later I spoke with Jennece and explained my issue to her. I was really nervous because this help that I asked for needed me to be open in order to receive any type of healing. The feeling of shame and embarrassment went away with each session I had with her. 

During my first session we were able to pinpoint why I pull. It was such a relief to be aware of what I was doing and why I was doing it. My sessions were almost like cleaning house. She would pay attention so well to things I would say and then repeat things back to me so I could get a better understanding on how they affected me. The guidance given during my sessions has helped me tremendously. Self-love has been the number one reason (next to praying) why I've been able to come as far as I have without any huge pulling episodes. 

Another contributing factor to my recovery is the "clean house" – or what Jennece calls "clearing" – that has happened in the past 5 months. Identifying traumas that contributed to my Trichotillomania has improved my urges to pull dramatically. When I felt an urge coming, I was to do the opposite of what would trigger me to pull. I’ve even stopped the triggers that make me have the urge to pull as well.

I'm so very thankful for the guidance I received from Jennece to help me battle some of my subconscious issues that ultimately helped me control my Trich. I know there will be trying days ahead of me, but I have faith and strength and confidence to release any urges to pull.

This disorder doesn't have to control you. You can control it!      

-TK

1st photo- Me a few month before Trich.

2nd photo- The day after Trich.

3rd photo- A few years with Trich. There was a mini fro on my head that I tried to pull into a ponytail.

4th photo- One of the time I shaved my head to avoid pulling (that was my right side of my head).

5th photo- 2014 was when the photo was taken. That was an "episode" of pulling only took one night for that damage.

6th photo- Taken after an episode from early that week. Under the weave is baldness. I was able to mask the bald patches very well with weave. People always assumed the weave was my real hair.

7th and 8th photo- Taken in Feb/2016 the month I sought help. Before I spoke to Jennece I had a very bad episode of pulling.

*All photo after this have been during the time I started sessions with Jennece*

9th photo- A photo of me weaving weave, which I hadn't done for about a month. During the transition of controlling the urges to pull, I stop weaving weave because it was often a trigger around my edges.

10th photo- I would wear all different kind of scarfs to work and in public. 

11th photo- Taken May/2016. This photo shows the regrowth since Feb/2016. This stage of regrowth is crucial because this is typically a phase I relapse. It's now June/2016 and I haven't had any major relapse. I did however almost have a relapse. Due to that possible relapse, there is a very small spot (compared to damage that I normally do) in the back of my head.

Answers to Questions

1. What is a spiritual Facilitator?
Well the definition of a facilitator is: someone who makes progress easier. I do this through my gift of intuition (which is instinctively knowing what's going on with a person without the use of rational processing). So basically I am being aware spirit to spirit and have developed that gift into a talent. I can then see through your spirits energy where you are stuck and are having problems within your spirit. Then, I figure out where that problem is coming from and ask your spirit to release it and let it go.

2. How can a spiritual facilitator benefit me?
 Sometimes we feel strong pulls from either anger, anxiety, grudges and even depression but have little to no idea why we are feeling this way. In reality we are seeing our faults and wanting to get rid of them but don't know how. Or you have tried to but it keeps coming back up. There are so many reasons for this strong pull. What I do is I find the main root or source of where the problem lies. Sometimes we have pains in our bodies that have caused us grief and though we have done everything we thought possible, it stays. The problem is, we haven't found the belief, emotional, or spiritual root or source so it lands on us physically and continues to be stuck in our bodies. I have also worked with behavioral issues such as schizophrenia, autism, and even addictions. I work at seeing what is going on and helping in facilitating to correct the problem within the spirit and then eventually the body feels better along with the emotions once things are let go.

 3. Can you explain what it means when you have a strong gut feeling, and you ignore that feeling by doing the opposite of what you feel, and things don't go right?
 It is when your spirit knows what to do or where to go but the flesh is weak and becomes subject to the temptation to ignore what is being taught by our spirit. In essence, we rebel against our spirits desire and do what our flesh wants. Then things that could have been avoided come to pass because we are drowning out our spirit  with our own beliefs.

4. Can you help us understand what's happening internally when your heart really desires something, but for some reason you're struggling with achieving that thing that because it feels like there's a force against you-like you can't get out of the way?
There are three ways we can put a large block in our minds eye of what we are wanting to achieve. The first one is fear(False Evidence Appearing Real). we can make up irrational realities of what things are pertaining to our situations and make them become real. The second is anger or grudge holding. This is when you are unable to emotionally get past the anger or hurt far enough to get a clear view of what you need and want to accomplish. The third one is pride/ego (which is the worlds perception of who you are). We often use
pride and ego as a defense against something that we don't feel safe feeling such as love, forgiveness and charity towards all.

5. What would you say are the top 3 changes someone would see during/after working with you? Clarity, Perspective and Vision.  Clarity is going to feel like you are just waking up from a deep sleep or it's going to feel like you have finally reached the surface from drowning in all your debris. I will help give you clarity on who you really are and what you can obtain in this life through knowledge and wisdom that you have never had or just hoped to have had. Perspective will look like a path with signs that gives you validation that you are going the right way and to keep going and moving forward. I will also help give validation on feelings and thoughts that are positive and great things that are happening with inside of you that will motivate and change your life for the better forever. I will also help give you a new perspective about yourself that is not going to be from the worlds view but from the view from the light within your spirit. Now that you are fully awake and alive and are ready to tackle the world you will be given a new vision of hope and joy! Joy that you have never thought possible or have always wanted. With this new vision comes agency, we work together to help give you opportunities to move past “You” to see the real You.

These are Free Tele-Conference calls happening each night next week from 6:00-6:30.  You can call into (425)440-5100 then enter the pin number #262081 and you can learn more about what I do as a spiritual facilitator and listen to Lawrence Smith an amazing herbalist and Joi a Kinesiologist. Enjoy!

I have some exciting news! I, along with these amazing professionals will be a part of a 90 day program to help you become your best self.  I hope that you will take advantage of this amazing experience.  

Being Perfect

This blog Post is dedicated to all my wonderful friends/clients.  I truly have the best friends and clients. I am one lucky girl.  It is no coincidence that God placed each person in my life to learn from and be a small part of their lives and to watch them grow and me growing with them. It is a miracle to watch someone go from the infancy stage of their learning and growing, to becoming, to listening to their spirit and growing on a deeper level, and making huge strides in their own lives and paying attention to their spirit. I truly feel like I was blessed with the gift of just being their guide because the true healing process happens when they actually move and start making the changes happen, little by little in their own lives. What I do does not take away agency; it makes agency clearer.  It removes the stuff that makes our agency harder to understand and want to attain. We are all powerhouses in our own lives. We can become as long as we have the drive, the will and the strength to “become” and strive for the beauty within.  We can do this by removing all doubts and fears and start recognizing things in our own lives.

Our spirits naturally want to perfect the things that are in this life. Before we came here, I am sure that at some point we were not sure about this life. Not just for the mere fact that we were coming and would not remember who we once were, but for the fact that the testing part would be accepting the imperfectness of this life. We would be tested by the reality that things would not always be resolved, that things would not always be smooth and that we would not be able to fix everything that was broken. There would be broken hearts and the constant why’s and doors still left wide open never to have complete closure.  We constantly are searching for more answers. 

 This life is so personal and often we don’t treat is as such. We believe that we are on this great and vast earth to do everything for others. I had a good friend who had a near death experience and she said that she was given a choice to go back to earth. She wanted to go back because she had a husband and five children that she needed to get back to and she said that she felt panicked, because she needed to get back to them! The angel that was talking with her gave her a condition that she could go back only if she would agree to go back only for her self. She could not go back for her husband or her children, she could only go back if she agreed to go back to fulfill why she had come to earth and stop living life for her husband and children and quite often forgetting about herself. She said that she did not feel ready to die which made it more hard on her to even want to stay but upon hearing the angel tell her that she wasn’t even living her life the way that she should, she knew that she needed to make some changes. Because she was making those changes in her life, her children that were struggling started to change because they noticed the changes she was making in her own life.

Often we want to be all the players on the basketball team or any team. Pick your favorite sport if you will and imagine what position you are trying to play. Are you the player for your team or are you the coach? Often we as mothers/fathers/wives/husbands, want to get in there and manhandle what we feel is not getting enough attention and try to manipulate what needs to be “fixed”. This is impossible for us to accomplish and do on our own. We are not all the players on the team, we are not the whole game itself.   If we all imagined ourselves only the coach on that team we would all be happier and have more success in our lives as families etc. Tell yourself that you are not allowed even on the court or field.  You are only supposed to teach, inspire and uplift whenever it is needed.  This is the control behind the strong desire to perfect things going on in and around us in our lives. Often this strong desire is actually a selfish desire to not want to watch someone struggle or fall.  Falling and Failing is good! We want this for some so that they can struggle, fall and then the miracle of getting back up and dusting themselves off and saying, “where do I go from here?” That’s when we are inspired to step in and show the way, point out what they’ve learned and help show them the way out.  When we put too many “pillows” or “cushions” underneath someone that is rebelling or fighting, then they won’t know how bad it really is without those pillows or cushions and the fall will be hard and they will tend to blame God more! They will find out though through experience. We are also sending a generational message to them that they are not capable of doing things on their own and that they need others to get them through. We naturally have a fear of doing things in this life alone out of fear of getting what we have been assigned to do wrong. So in turn we need someone to link arms with and journey through this life with, “x-ing out” the relationship with our Heavenly Father. This life is very personal and we must do it alone with the help not of flesh, but the help of God. And if it means inspire someone to help us, then we are to assist, but not do it for them, or want someone to do it for us.

We are all diamonds in the rough.  We look like large rocks at first but just as there are facets to a diamond with each thing that we learn and do, we are put through the trial (fire) and are polished and then we move on to another facet, until we have created a beautiful life as we learn from and move on from each trial. When we don’t want to learn - that’s when we become stuck and unable to move and change. This is a natural process and some fight it more than others. Be kind and know that we all have what we can handle as “reality” in our lives.  As we search, learn, and change our attitudes of, why me and why now, we can change those attitudes to, “What would God have me to learn from this?” I have a client named Roxanne who was looking for answers about when the trial that she is currently going through would end and how to tell when it was God’s timing on this. She received the most profound answer to which she was seeking. She received the answer that God’s timing is found within the Six days that Christ and Adam created the earth.  So each day represents our days of trial and God’s timing on the trial.  The work and learning and then the seventh day we rest from our labors for a “SEASON”; not forever, but for a season.  So what does each day represent? The first four days that is talks about in the Bible, I noticed were the most labor intensive part of the creation. Isn’t it that way when we are going through a trial that at the very beginning we are found most of the time on our knees, asking for direction, asking for help? Then the last few days we are starting to understand and gaining further light and knowledge, the learning part, and then resting from our labors for a season. I thought that was truly profound!

As we become adults our deeper understanding and learning should come from God.  We should be moving away from our earthly parents and what I mean by that is that our attention should be more focused on God and what our relationship is with him.

Here’s a story from one of my clients who gained a better relationship and literally becoming the light and the way out of dysfunction by gaining a better sense of who she is by gaining a personal relationship with God. Her name is Kynessa:

         I recall being a rebellious young adult embarking on my journey to learn more about God. Even though I knew very little about who He was, I would always pray even for the wrong things. It's funny because even during the darkest seasons of my life God always put someone in my life to teach me Principles of living a Godly life. Once I started learning more about God I began developing my own relationship with Him- joining a church and doing a little reading.

          Fast-forward 2-3 years later; I met someone who told me "you're the chosen one for your family ". I didn't know what she meant, but I was afraid that it meant I would be used as a sacrifice for my Family. It took 14 years before I would see how what she professed would manifest in my life.

          I always knew I was different from the others in my family- but not in the manner of being better than them. It wasn't until I understood the calling God placed on my life that I understood why I was so different. Every trial has built character and brought me closer to my Creator precisely for me to fulfill my purpose. As always God has someone sowing into my life to assist with maturing my spirit. At each level of maturity I gain more clarity about who God created me to be and I become much stronger in my faith. I never thought the test would be stepping away from my family. That rebellious young adult has matured into a God fearing rebel and being used to end generational curses in my family.

        Adam came to this earth not remembering at first who he was and that he just helped create this earth.  What a wonderful thing that he just did and he didn’t even remember! How many of us did wonderful things to help with the kingdom of God and we cannot even remember.  But as Adam walked and talked with God and came to know him, he in turn got to know himself and what his goal was here and what he was to accomplish.  As we walk and talk with God we too will get to know ourselves as we get to know him.