Being Perfect

This blog Post is dedicated to all my wonderful friends/clients.  I truly have the best friends and clients. I am one lucky girl.  It is no coincidence that God placed each person in my life to learn from and be a small part of their lives and to watch them grow and me growing with them. It is a miracle to watch someone go from the infancy stage of their learning and growing, to becoming, to listening to their spirit and growing on a deeper level, and making huge strides in their own lives and paying attention to their spirit. I truly feel like I was blessed with the gift of just being their guide because the true healing process happens when they actually move and start making the changes happen, little by little in their own lives. What I do does not take away agency; it makes agency clearer.  It removes the stuff that makes our agency harder to understand and want to attain. We are all powerhouses in our own lives. We can become as long as we have the drive, the will and the strength to “become” and strive for the beauty within.  We can do this by removing all doubts and fears and start recognizing things in our own lives.

Our spirits naturally want to perfect the things that are in this life. Before we came here, I am sure that at some point we were not sure about this life. Not just for the mere fact that we were coming and would not remember who we once were, but for the fact that the testing part would be accepting the imperfectness of this life. We would be tested by the reality that things would not always be resolved, that things would not always be smooth and that we would not be able to fix everything that was broken. There would be broken hearts and the constant why’s and doors still left wide open never to have complete closure.  We constantly are searching for more answers. 

 This life is so personal and often we don’t treat is as such. We believe that we are on this great and vast earth to do everything for others. I had a good friend who had a near death experience and she said that she was given a choice to go back to earth. She wanted to go back because she had a husband and five children that she needed to get back to and she said that she felt panicked, because she needed to get back to them! The angel that was talking with her gave her a condition that she could go back only if she would agree to go back only for her self. She could not go back for her husband or her children, she could only go back if she agreed to go back to fulfill why she had come to earth and stop living life for her husband and children and quite often forgetting about herself. She said that she did not feel ready to die which made it more hard on her to even want to stay but upon hearing the angel tell her that she wasn’t even living her life the way that she should, she knew that she needed to make some changes. Because she was making those changes in her life, her children that were struggling started to change because they noticed the changes she was making in her own life.

Often we want to be all the players on the basketball team or any team. Pick your favorite sport if you will and imagine what position you are trying to play. Are you the player for your team or are you the coach? Often we as mothers/fathers/wives/husbands, want to get in there and manhandle what we feel is not getting enough attention and try to manipulate what needs to be “fixed”. This is impossible for us to accomplish and do on our own. We are not all the players on the team, we are not the whole game itself.   If we all imagined ourselves only the coach on that team we would all be happier and have more success in our lives as families etc. Tell yourself that you are not allowed even on the court or field.  You are only supposed to teach, inspire and uplift whenever it is needed.  This is the control behind the strong desire to perfect things going on in and around us in our lives. Often this strong desire is actually a selfish desire to not want to watch someone struggle or fall.  Falling and Failing is good! We want this for some so that they can struggle, fall and then the miracle of getting back up and dusting themselves off and saying, “where do I go from here?” That’s when we are inspired to step in and show the way, point out what they’ve learned and help show them the way out.  When we put too many “pillows” or “cushions” underneath someone that is rebelling or fighting, then they won’t know how bad it really is without those pillows or cushions and the fall will be hard and they will tend to blame God more! They will find out though through experience. We are also sending a generational message to them that they are not capable of doing things on their own and that they need others to get them through. We naturally have a fear of doing things in this life alone out of fear of getting what we have been assigned to do wrong. So in turn we need someone to link arms with and journey through this life with, “x-ing out” the relationship with our Heavenly Father. This life is very personal and we must do it alone with the help not of flesh, but the help of God. And if it means inspire someone to help us, then we are to assist, but not do it for them, or want someone to do it for us.

We are all diamonds in the rough.  We look like large rocks at first but just as there are facets to a diamond with each thing that we learn and do, we are put through the trial (fire) and are polished and then we move on to another facet, until we have created a beautiful life as we learn from and move on from each trial. When we don’t want to learn - that’s when we become stuck and unable to move and change. This is a natural process and some fight it more than others. Be kind and know that we all have what we can handle as “reality” in our lives.  As we search, learn, and change our attitudes of, why me and why now, we can change those attitudes to, “What would God have me to learn from this?” I have a client named Roxanne who was looking for answers about when the trial that she is currently going through would end and how to tell when it was God’s timing on this. She received the most profound answer to which she was seeking. She received the answer that God’s timing is found within the Six days that Christ and Adam created the earth.  So each day represents our days of trial and God’s timing on the trial.  The work and learning and then the seventh day we rest from our labors for a “SEASON”; not forever, but for a season.  So what does each day represent? The first four days that is talks about in the Bible, I noticed were the most labor intensive part of the creation. Isn’t it that way when we are going through a trial that at the very beginning we are found most of the time on our knees, asking for direction, asking for help? Then the last few days we are starting to understand and gaining further light and knowledge, the learning part, and then resting from our labors for a season. I thought that was truly profound!

As we become adults our deeper understanding and learning should come from God.  We should be moving away from our earthly parents and what I mean by that is that our attention should be more focused on God and what our relationship is with him.

Here’s a story from one of my clients who gained a better relationship and literally becoming the light and the way out of dysfunction by gaining a better sense of who she is by gaining a personal relationship with God. Her name is Kynessa:

         I recall being a rebellious young adult embarking on my journey to learn more about God. Even though I knew very little about who He was, I would always pray even for the wrong things. It's funny because even during the darkest seasons of my life God always put someone in my life to teach me Principles of living a Godly life. Once I started learning more about God I began developing my own relationship with Him- joining a church and doing a little reading.

          Fast-forward 2-3 years later; I met someone who told me "you're the chosen one for your family ". I didn't know what she meant, but I was afraid that it meant I would be used as a sacrifice for my Family. It took 14 years before I would see how what she professed would manifest in my life.

          I always knew I was different from the others in my family- but not in the manner of being better than them. It wasn't until I understood the calling God placed on my life that I understood why I was so different. Every trial has built character and brought me closer to my Creator precisely for me to fulfill my purpose. As always God has someone sowing into my life to assist with maturing my spirit. At each level of maturity I gain more clarity about who God created me to be and I become much stronger in my faith. I never thought the test would be stepping away from my family. That rebellious young adult has matured into a God fearing rebel and being used to end generational curses in my family.

        Adam came to this earth not remembering at first who he was and that he just helped create this earth.  What a wonderful thing that he just did and he didn’t even remember! How many of us did wonderful things to help with the kingdom of God and we cannot even remember.  But as Adam walked and talked with God and came to know him, he in turn got to know himself and what his goal was here and what he was to accomplish.  As we walk and talk with God we too will get to know ourselves as we get to know him. 

Beliefs

   When I was twelve I was dating a guy that wasn’t the best influence in my life.  I decided at a very young age that I would not have sex with anyone until I was married and I vowed to keep that promise no matter what was going on in my life.  One evening my boyfriend and his friend showed up at my door.  He walked in and immediately I knew what his intentions were and even what he had said to his friend on the way over.  As he walked in, I’m not sure what came over me but I blurted out what his intentions were and even what he had said to his friend on the way over.  He looked at me with a little fear and shock!  He immediately started looking through his coat while his friend was laughing.  His friend then said, “Dude, she said everything that you had said, verbatim!”  Then my boyfriend asked me if he was “bugged”, looking scared now.   Because I was amazingly right on with what his intentions were and what he had said on the way over, I too started to become scared and from that day on I shut down my gifts trying to not feel and see things about others.  When I chose to shut down my gifts I could no longer feel random things about people and would often get things wrong about them.

    Often young children are more sensitive to their gifts.  They feel and see things better because they don’t have certain beliefs about themselves that come on through the influences of what others think and say about them.  In the scriptures is says to become as a little child, full of love, full of hope in one’s self and in others, wanting to obey and do the Father’s will for us.  One of my favorite scriptures is in the New Testament in 1 Corinthians 13:11 “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

    The way we put off childish things is through our beliefs.  Pay attention - when you have a belief, how does it make you feel?  Does it feel like the Spirit is guiding you or does it make you feel dark and angry?  Often our reality of things are misunderstood by us because of our beliefs. Like when a person says to you, “ You are taking what I said out of context or out of proportion.” It is often our beliefs that cause us to look at things not as they seem or appear to be. Our beliefs are a huge part of this life and can and will be damning to us if we let them be too much apart of us. We do have beliefs that keep us safe from believing in something that is not true.  However, it can work the same for the other way around.  We had strong beliefs that we even brought with us, ones that can affect us even here on this earth. I believe that with a loving Heavenly Father we helped create the blueprints for our lives. I also believe that that we even had some say in part of it. I have come to know that we are also assigned (foreordained) to things that the Lord knows that we would be good at, and in turn help others. So this life is a continuation, a saga if you will, to what we were like from before we came here. The only way to true happiness is through what we have been sent here to do; and by connecting with that, we are in turn connecting to God.

    We can keep ourselves from moving forward by the belief that we are too busy, that we have too much on our plate, or that we simply don’t believe we have enough tools to move forward and then our beliefs turn into fears.  Fears of failure, fears of not getting it right the first time.  We didn’t come here to get it right the first time; this life isn’t about being perfect, it’s about perfecting that which isn’t.  Fears of being misled or deceived.  Just remember that there is a counterfeit to everything good and if you have gotten rid of some of your beliefs that can deceive you, you will have no fear.  We can all have those same fears if we let them.  I have been inspired to home school my children, I am inspired to write in this blog, I have been instructed that I need to start my family history work, I have also been instructed to write a book and I have clients I talk to daily, I am a mother of nine and a wife, etc.  How do I do it? I am just simply doing what I have been sent here to do first and then God literally makes it so I can get all the things done through inspiration so it makes it easier on myself without using too much of my own energy right down to what to buy at the grocery store or to timings on when to buy things or where to buy them and so on.  When you get rid of beliefs and tell God, “Just show me what I need to do to get everything that I need to get done,” then the inspiration just flows and you are led to greater and better things in this life.

    Our continuation is vital in this plan.  Our bodies hold an important key element in the fact that in the flesh we can and will get rid of things that hold us up (our beliefs) so this body is such a gift from God!  I believe that what would take us a very long time in the spirit, years even, would take us only days in the flesh to get rid of what’s holding us up and blocking us from moving forward.

    I am always trying to pay attention when my children are young to what they are feeling, to what they can see and what they can do.  I look for things like what they notice in the world about themselves and in others. I try to help them develop what they are seeing and feeling.  The younger they start to notice the better for them because then they will grow up feeling like they are in a safe environment to where they feel like they can be who they are and what they are foreordained to do.  Some of their frustrations and angers are often because of what they have come here to do. They often feel alone, overwhelmed, etc.  I know as a teenager and even young adult I often felt alone and overwhelmed because I knew in my spirit that I came here to do more than what I had allowed myself to become and do.  Often teenagers and young adults become withdrawn and even depressed.  The best thing to do as adults of these gifted children is to find and figure out our gifts so that we can create that “safe” environment for them to learn who they are and grow.

    When I became an adult my faith was weak - I was scared of anything and everything.  I was even scared to know who I really was.  I had a dream one night that changed me because it made me realize how lacking I was in my faith.  I was so scared in my dream that I fainted in my dream and woke up for real to find that my room was pitch black and that I couldn’t move.  There was a street light outside my window and the light would shine in but that night there was nothing but darkness.  I couldn’t move out of fear.  Even days later I was having some work done on my neck and my kineseologist was testing to see what homeopathic medicine I needed to take because he was testing that I need something.  I had completely forgotten about my dream but he came back into the room very concerned and asked me if there had been a death or something tragic in my life because he was testing for something for severe trauma. I had nothing that would make me test for that but then my dream came to my mind and I told him about it.  That was the moment I knew that I needed to work on me, and stop running away from what I knew I needed to do.

    To get rid of fears we have to take a leap of faith and it takes courage to take two steps into the dark (the unknown) to see that is safe and that you will have the kind of godly joy that you can only imagine. Get over your fears and move aside those beliefs that are only creating a mirage of untruth in your lives. Get rid of the untruth in your lives and have courage to believe that you can!

Your Gifts

When I was a little girl there was an old man that lived next door. He was a widower and his wife died many years before we moved into our house. When I was born he brought my mom a rose from his rose garden. Ironically roses are my favorite flower, especially red ones. I used to watch him from my back yard. He would hand wash all his clothes and hang them up to dry; he never did own a washing machine. He took great care of his flower garden and would be out there working in it almost everyday. I remember him hand watering his lawn for hours at a time. He had the best, most thick luscious lawn of anyone I have ever met, even now. I loved to watch his mannerisms as well - he was a gruff man, hardly ever smiled. He was a retired old middle school teacher, but you couldn’t tell if he liked children at all because he would get after the children in the neighborhood, especially if they where even standing for a minute on his lawn. His voice was deep and scruffy so all the children in the neighborhood were afraid of him and even most of the adults.  

I am one who doesn’t get leery of someone unless the spirit tells me otherwise. I was a curious child and loved to watch people. People would often accuse me of starring at them and I was. I loved to watch their mannerisms, their behaviors etc. I didn’t realize that my gifts were drawing me to do this; I didn’t know why I stared and why I liked to watch people. I love people! As I watched my neighbor I saw that he did the same thing almost at the same time everyday in the same order that he did them. By watching him it made me realize that he was lonely, he never had any children and the only family member that was still alive was a brother that lived across town and once a month he would get into his ‘63 Chevy and drive across town to visit him.

One day after watching him, I got brave and asked him to come push me in my swing (that’s just how I roll). He was surprised, which made me happy inside. He immediately stopped what he was doing and came over, took off his gardening gloves and started to push me on the swings. He was smiling. He even laughed at one point and I had never seen him do this. So every time I was outside and wanted to swing, I would ask him to come push me and he would.  I could feel that he loved that I wasn’t afraid of him and that I cared enough about him to ask.

So it started a trend in my house, we started inviting him over for ice cream, and once in a while I would go to his house and just sit and visit with him. He had a piano in his house that he loved, it was his wife’s and I played Twinkle Twinkle little star on the piano for him. I remember his face as I played, like I was playing a master piece. I could feel that he was grateful that I shared my talent with him. He started to make it inviting like a grandpa would do and he would wrap candy up into a piece of tissue and put a rubber band around it taken from his news papers and then put them on a cookie sheet and put them by the door so that when I came to say hi he would give me the wrapped up candy.

My friends in the neighborhood who where afraid of him came with me to get candy and to their surprise he was smiling and nice! Once day I came into his backyard without asking while he was out working in his garden, he scolded me and said that I was never allowed in his yard without asking. So instead of getting scared and running away, I closed the gate and peeped in the hole in the gate, and then knocked. I could see him chuckle and smile and he said I could come in.

When I grew up and moved across town, we kept in touch and one day one of the neighbors called and said that his news papers where piling up on his front porch and maybe we should go check on him. Really? We live across town! Still, people where afraid of him. So my parents went over and looked in his back window to his back door and saw his leg in the dinning room on the floor. He had been there for four days dehydrated and he had had a stroke, but he was alive. So my family took care of him, hired nurses to come in and take care of him till he died. In his will he willed me his piano.

I think often we take each other for granted, misunderstand each other and don’t see that our own fears keep us from the most precious gift of all, our own self worth. I loved to watch people when I was young not because I was judging them but because people are beautiful creatures, the neatest and best creature God has created on this earth! When we pay attention, really pay attention, we can get what each other are often about by just watching. Watch how someone moves, is it stiff or are they free flowing? Also there’s their energy - does their energy feel heavy and could command even the ants and the ants would even listen? Or are they so light and gentle that even a butterfly would land in their hand? Watching people you can also find out some of their behaviors; and through the behavior there are beliefs, and most of the time that behavior is the root to their belief.

I believe my gift is to help people, pull them out of the dark, clear their beliefs from their behaviors, then set them on the right course to find themselves and their gifts. We all have a gift of some sort; we all are worthy of these gifts if we are wanting them and are striving for them. Often people think that they have to be perfect in order to help others. Often I hear, “Who am I to say what people should or shouldn’t be working on, when I have problems myself?” We rise as we lift others. If we all stayed at the same state then who would be the leader out of the darkness? No one would and we’d all be lost in the dark.

Watching babies and older people is my most favorite. Babies are just beginning this life and have a fresh outlook and it’s so fun to watch their discovery. 18 months is my favorite age to start watching this. You can also tell what type of personality or beliefs they have just by watching them because they don’t have habits formed yet. Older people are fascinating because they are towards the end of their life and it’s neat to see the wisdom in their face of all that they have learned while here in this mortality, I love to sit and ask them questions or just listen because they have something to teach us, their wisdom is valuable whether for the good or for the bad.  I love learning from others. It has always filled my soul with delight!

We are taught that judging is wrong. We have to know that we don’t remember who we once were before we came to this earth; therefore, we come here as a continuation of who we once were. So to judge us just by our earthly state is wrong. Only God remembers who we once were and saw what we were capable of, and therefore gave each of us according to how we were, assignments or Foreordinations to fulfill while here on this earth.

A lot of times our spirits know what we are supposed to be doing but our carnal state fights against it. We would get over some of them if we turn towards our gifts. With permission and not giving names, I told a client that if he turned towards his gifts and who he naturally is supposed to be, then he will get over his diabetes. It’s been six months and he’s now off his medication with occasional low blood sugar, what progress!

The question I often get is how do we know what our gifts are? Well, it’s simple, yet complicated. Take a good look at your self - the things that we usually have a hard time with are the things that we are naturally gifted at. Let me say that again. The things (we THINK) we are not good at we are actually gifted at. I never thought I was good with people and I had a hard time with people as I got older and would judge them often, partly because of how I was raised, but because I had a fear of being judged, I in turn judged others to keep myself safe. So the things we hold near and dear like our abilities to see others for more than what they are (and then judging them at the same time like my problem) than eliminating the judging part and I have my gift! Are you with me? I love to watch people, and when I got older and I did judge. When I was younger my intentions were more pure, but as I developed bad habits, I judged as I watched people. So by me working on my gifts I had to eliminate the judging part in order to find my gifts. We all have abilities but just like everything else in this world it can be used for bad and create bad memories, (which can be used as a tool against us so that we cannot find our gifts) and we are left swirling around in the darkness, which was Satan’s plan from the beginning.

So we have to let down our ego as our self defense and allow our gifts to flow within us and become the person we where meant to be. I BELIEVE IN YOU!

Owning it.

  It was March of 1986 and I was eleven years old.  It was almost spring break.  I lived in the north end of Tacoma, WA. At school I became friends with a girl who could often be found with her nose in a book, sitting in a corner of the school stairs that led to the playground.  I was in the same grade as one of her sisters, she was in the grade above me, and she also had another sister that was in the younger grades.  I remember her love and kindness for anyone and everyone and her willingness to play with me whenever I asked her to, which became more often than not.  She and I became good friends. Then it was time for spring break and I remember telling her good-bye and Happy Easter and telling her to have a good spring break!   One morning during spring break, I went to the kitchen to get something to eat and my sister-in-law was sitting at the table reading the morning paper. She came across the headline news that was talking about a girl who had been murdered in Puget Park only a mile from my house and it said that she went to Grant Elementary School where I went to school. My sister-in-law asked me if I knew this girl in the paper, showing me the picture.  I remember saying, “Yes that’s my new friend at school!”  Looking concerned now, my sister-in-law tried to gently tell me what happened to her, but I remember grabbing the paper out of her hands and running to my room crying.  I cut her picture and the story out of the paper and hung it on my black board.  

  I loved to ride my bike around the neighborhood everyday - I was obsessed with my bike -  but after this happened to my friend and so close to my house, I became too scared to even leave my house.  I became obsessed with the story of how she was murdered and interestingly I became overly concerned with her mom and sisters, and how they were, and how they reacted.  I remember hearing that after my friend’s mom found out what had happened to her daughter, she had to be taken to the hospital because she went into shock.  I didn’t know what that meant.  People tried to explain as best they could and it wasn’t until I saw my friend’s mom at the funeral that I understood what they were telling me about her going into shock.  She didn’t have any emotion and she looked straight ahead and she looked as if she was not even there - in her eyes.  I remember seeing her sisters at school weeks later and they stayed close to each other and didn’t really play with anyone else on the playground.  I had nightmares and became really scared of the dark, and parks with gulches scared me the most.  I avoided them like the plague. The first time I drove by Puget Park after the murder, I remember thinking about her mom, and I pictured her standing there at the park and the police telling her what had happened to her little girl, and my heart ached as I thought about the shock that I imagined her going into and the look in her eyes at the funeral.  I became so obsessed that my parents where very concerned about me.  

  After some time, I remember my mom coming into my room and telling me that I needed to live; I needed to move on and live my life.   She told me to take her picture and story down off of my black board and put it in my journal and write about my feelings in there and then let it stay there, and to not let this ruin how I live my life.  And then she added that my friend would have wanted that for me.  I took my mother’s advice.

  Sometimes I do have to look at this memory again, if it pops up again for me, and I have found that it just may mean I need to look at it from a different angle.  At one point, I realized that the angle I had missed was from the time I left school and was saying my goodbyes.  I realized that I was still holding on to the fact that I didn’t let her know how much I really cared about her and that I didn’t realize it was my last goodbye.  But other than that, because of my mother’s wise words, I didn’t own my friend’s death by letting it change and alter my life for the worse.  I allowed her memory to live on in the life that she lived, by how she treated others and how she showed love to all.

   

  This experience prepared me for the broader experience I had of being an only child, practically.  My brother was eleven years older than me, and my mom worked full time.  I was shuffled from babysitter to babysitter, and I saw and experienced a lot in my childhood that my kids will never have to experience in their childhood, both good and bad.  Even though my mom worked full time, she was the most loving mother a girl could dream of having. She cuddled me whenever she got a chance and I had a great childhood because of the love that my mother showered on me. She is the greatest example to me to me, too, because she was raised by a mother who verbally abused her all the time and never gave her the love that she longed for.  In addition, she didn’t even meet her biological father until in her late thirties. But because of the love she had inside of her and because she had to rely on the Spirit to help her along in life, she has become one of the greatest ladies I know.  Even though she didn’t have the love in her life that she needed, she decided to create that kind love in her life with her own children.  She took back what was taken from her own childhood, exercising her faith in herself and in God, and showed that kind of love for my brother and me.  She didn’t own how she was raised, nor let it become a part of her, and she did not continue to pass it down to her children. Did she struggle?  Of course she did, but she didn’t let it define who she was, and she did her very best (and still does) everyday to let it go.

  

  Sometimes in life our own experiences can either make or break us and we choose during those experiences who we will become. Some have had experiences where they either rely on the arm of flesh and fear man, or they become a God fearing people, recognizing and seeing that relying on the Spirit helps you make decisions in their life.  These decisions can be life altering, or they can be as simple as using the Spirit in everyday tasks, making your day easier and smoother. Either way we have to become, and get to that place within our own lives where we rely heavily on the Spirit.

  One of the ways that can block us, such that we stay stuck and cannot progress and move, is to OWN everything that comes our way.  If we become obsessed and cannot move easily from place to place in our own lives, and we become stuck and cannot progress, it’s because we have taught ourselves to start owning every thing that we really cannot control.  We try to manipulate and control things in our own lives, whether it’s a spouse who is making bad decisions, a child going on the wrong path, parents who aren’t what you expect them to be because of their own circumstances and decisions, or extended family causing chaos for everyone in and around the family, etc. We cannot control everything and we cannot own everyone’s problems and sometimes there are relationships that you just have to sever because it is just too poisonous to continue on in that relationship.

   Because of my own experiences in my life, I could have allowed myself to continue to block out or even stop progressing. I could have used the excuse that my mother was never around to teach me, but I acknowledged that what she did teach me was what I needed for my future of raising nine children.  She taught me unconditional love, and the security that showing and freely expressing that love can bring.  I didn’t allow myself to stop because I wasn’t taught when I was a child, nor do I hold it against my mother.  She did the best she could with what light she had at the time. We all have different stages of light in our lives and it’s not up to us to judge ourselves or others by the light they carry or we carry. Be kind to yourself and others and allow yourself and others to grow around you. God knows who you are and what you need at the time that you need it. I didn’t learn to cook, sew, etc. when I was young but because I have been open to learn those things now as an adult, God has blessed me with different people in my life along the way to teach and to show me how and I am truly grateful for everyone’s gifts and abilities and being willing to share and show me how to do some of these things. What a blessing to be apart of the unifying process of connecting with others so that we can grow!

   Don’t allow yourself to own the fact that you don’t know how to do something.  I am a perfect product of this. For years I owned that I was stupid and allowed others to call me that, and because I allowed it, it stuck with me for a long time.  I could not do what I do now if I continued to own that, and allow my belief system to continue on that path of not progressing because I owned that belief.  We all have hang ups, but to recognize them is the first key to acknowledging them for what they are – hang ups, or spiritual snags, if you will, in your Aura, which is your spiritual protection system. Just like the cells in your body protect your body, our emotions or belief system can wear down and tear a hole in one’s aura like an infection in the body, leaving you feeling tired and lifeless.  Find out where they come from, whether you brought that energy with you when you came to this earth, if it’s in your generational gene pool, or if it’s because of life experiences that you need to release and let go of one, or all three.

  Owning what is not in our control is an exact reflection of the trust we have in God. I tell my clients to picture a large pot in front of them. In that pot are people in our lives that we care and love and the juices that they are swimming in are the emotions or events etc. in their lives. Our job is to stay out of that pot. When we stand outside that pot, standing on either side of us is Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. When we stay out of the pot we are allowing ourselves to simply look over to either of them and ask for guidance on how to help and what to do, even if the answer is painfully to do nothing. We are now being an inspired observer. When we are an inspired observer, we are inspired more on how people work and how they behave and how they need our help; otherwise we are jumping in and taking control and are BLIND. We have to stay an “Inspired Observer” in order to really give others the help they need and deserve. Otherwise you are just spinning your wheels. I had to learn this technique and I was inspired with this visual to help others and myself recognize how often we try to own things. This is especially hard when dealing with family and loved ones. I use this all the time to better help my clients so I can stay inspired to be able to help. It is basically putting down the control and handing it back over to God. It does take practice and do NOT be too hard on yourself, especially when first learning how to do this. It does take consistent practice and you will get better over time. I promise. I have felt more joy and happiness and more success when helping others, family/friends/clients when doing this.

  Owning things that are out of my control has been a part of my life in the past, but I learned that I didn’t have to do that.  I recognized that it was just plain and simple fear, and when I was able to see that, I was able to be and feel free.

  You are your own judge on how well you do this and to recognize it inside yourself will allow yourself and others around you to feel the spiritual freedom and love emanating from the love that you have for yourself and for others.

   We are here to process and continue to learn all that we didn't finish learning before we came to this earth and it's up to us to continue that learning process. We are stewards over who we have been assigned to in this life, children, spouse etc. We are not here to take control over those around us and their lives, we are only in control over our own. We have the capabilities to let go and to shine! 

Fight Fire with Fire!

Late one evening on December 12, 1998, our family that consisted of my husband, my two month old baby boy, my 20 month old little girl and my husband’s twelve year old half sister that was living with us at the time, set off to our Church’s Christmas party.  My husband’s half sister was supposed to be the angel and our two month old was supposed to be baby Jesus in the Nativity play. Well, needless to say, we did not make it that night.  

We were in a terrible car accident that almost took the life of my husband’s half sister.  We were in a Dodge minivan that we just purchased two months prior to the accident.  While at a stop light turning left, a man in a large econoline van ran a red light and t-bone hit us on the passenger side.  He hit part of my door, knocking me unconscious, and he hit the side door where my two month old was in his car seat.  In the very back of the van, on the same side that we were hit, sat my husband’s half sister.  She had to be air lifted to the nearest hospital and had lacerations from the glass cutting her cheek, and she had swelling of the brain.  She almost didn’t make it.  It was a very traumatizing time for our family.

I remember that night coming home sore and wondering “Why?”, and “How come?”  As soon as we walked into our apartment we hit the floor onto our knees, thanking God for our protection and safety and prayers of safety and peace for Sloane’s half sister. I remember while we were still on our knees we kept getting calls from the hospital and with each call the reports on our sister kept getting worse and worse.  We got a final call that if we hadn’t have been close to the Spirit would have thrown us for a loop:  we had to give permission (because we were her legal guardians) to have a bolt screwed into the top of her skull to help release pressure to her brain and to monitor the pressure as well. It was the worst phone call we have ever received.

Our days and nights following were in the hospital and it was hard.  Weeks later she started to recover and get better, and then it was time for her to come home.  She still acted like a little child because of the bruising of the brain, so we had to sleep in the living room so she wouldn’t wander out the front door, etc. We had to thicken all her liquids because her brain wouldn’t allow her body to swallow thin liquids yet. Then there were all the therapies we needed to take her to; it was a very new and trying time for all of us.  

  One day months after the accident, I was driving in the middle lane and a didn’t notice a very large truck coming towards me that almost hit me.  In an instant, shock came back and ran through my entire body and I was instantly thrown back into the original accident all over again. I had a panic attack and had a really hard time driving home after that.  I started noticing that my panic attacks became worse and worse each time that I got back into the car, and one day I let go of the steering wheel which scared me more then ever.

I told a few people what I was going through and I had more than one person tell me that I had post traumatic stress and that I needed to go see a physiatrist for it. We couldn’t afford it, so I started to pray every time I had to get into the car to drive anywhere - the store, etc. I would even find myself praying continuously the whole time during the course of my driving. I did this for months, and as I did this I let go of the fear more and more, until finally I noticed that the only time that I had a fear of driving was when I had to go on the freeway. I lived in Olympia, WA at the time and had to go to Tacoma often because of family, etc., so it was super hard for me. The more I prayed and the more I let go of the fear, the more confident I became in driving, and I even noticed that my driving had improved. The more we let go of fear and try what we feel we are not good at, or are even afraid of trying, the more God gives us the strength to do these things.

In the Book of Mormon, in the book of Ether, chapter 27 it states, “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

I had another experience in my life that taught me this same lesson in a powerful way. 

I have never thought of myself as being able to run well, or being strong in the way of sports, etc.  However, I have always enjoyed running, and I ran track in high school, but because of fears, I never pushed myself to the point of seeing how good I could become.  This frame of mind kept me from seeing that my faith needed to be stronger. 

One night after having my ninth child, I had a dream that I was running, and I was super happy and loving every minute of it.  It felt really good! 

I had an impression soon after that dream that I needed to run a half marathon.  I laughed out loud at the impression because I was looking at my life and saying, “How could I possibly do that?”  I just had my ninth baby, I was SUPER out of shape, and I was getting little to no sleep at night being up with the baby and all.  So the thought came to me - just start little and work your way up - so I did.  I started walking, and then when I felt I could push myself a little more I started jogging. 

About that time, I just happened to mention to a cute gal from my ward that I wanted to run a half marathon.  I explained that I didn’t know how to even go about doing that and I didn’t know where to start. She showed up at my house with a plan that she wrote up herself, one that would give me some extra weeks so I don’t get injured and that’s when it all began.

 I kept telling myself, though, that if it got too hard, then I would just give up.  I soon found out that this was a thought pattern that I needed to get rid of, always giving myself an out whenever things got tough.  When I changed that thought pattern, I noticed God’s hand in preparing for the half-marathon even more.  I noticed that some days, when I got little to no sleep, but needed to run my long run and didn’t know how I was even going to accomplish this, I would dedicate my run to the Lord and it was better than the long run when I had sleep the week before. I started noticing tender mercies in my life, and the biggest one was my friend running with me.  Even though she was an advanced runner, she would run at my pace.  I even had my husband run with me, which made our relationship stronger and more bonded because we were taken out of our “norm” of hanging out together and we were able to see different sides to one another.  God truly knows us and knows what we need too, because the day of the race my friend ran with me the whole time and the weather was perfect and I accomplished something that I never thought possible. Truly, when we have faith in ourselves as well as in God, we can become strong where we feel that we are the weakest.

The biggest obstacle we have in overcoming our weakness is Ego.   Ego is a false sense of one’s self fed by pride.  When someone is more worried about what others think than what God thinks, they are operating more on false sense of self.  Ego feeds the fake side of our natural abilities (as seen from the world’s view) and then creates a fake sense of who we really should be and become in our lives. It draws on what we feel is the innermost part of who we are, but it’s actually a nasty trick of the adversary, who deceives us into believing that this is who we are and who we should be. It’s drawn in from the world’s view and feeds our minds with this false sense of security.  Because of this false sense of security, we use our ego to build up walls, so that we won’t be hurt (or hurt more than we already have been). These walls keep everyone who can help, or wants to help, out.  Then we use these walls as our protection and security, instead of having God be our Protector, our Peacemaker, the one on which we are grounded. Our ego keeps us from having that natural relationship with ourselves and with others, because we’re constantly trying to protect ourselves instead of changing and progressing.  This is a tool of the adversary.

You can’t fully get rid of ego.  You have to watch it, and keep it down.  If you were to muscle test, it would need to stay at 40%, because ego never truly dies or goes away.  By watching, it keeps it low, and keeps you from using the world’s sense of who you are.  Instead, you use God’s view of you and who you are.  Not having a good sense of oneself or others can affect us physically through our thyroid. This is where most, if not all, of our thyroid issues comes from.

In addition to Ego, there are spiritual addictions that keep us from overcoming our weakness.  These spiritual addictions are like physical ones. The ones that I have noticed with myself, and in working with others, are spiritual thought patterns that keep us in what we think is a “safe” place. It’s what we are use to and it is where we go back to when we start to have doubts and fears about certain things in our lives. We turn our habits into addictive thought patterns. It could be thinking that someone’s going to die in your family.  I know I have thought this, and others have thought this way at some point in their lives. Or, it could be a thought and fear that someone in our lives is going to hurt us in some way again; a thought and fear that we won’t be able to break the generational cycle so we just keep passing it down; a thought and fear that at some point in our lives everything might go bad, so we live in this constant foreboding feeling that something is going to go wrong; going to that dark place where we feel we cannot get out of ourselves and try new things and stretch ourselves.

In order to find ourselves we have to loose ourselves, or in others words, we have to loose that thought pattern that “this is comfortable and this is where I am meant to stay”.  It’s not until we are forced out of that comfortable thought pattern that we see new insights into who we are and what we are really capable of.   The joy that is talked about in the scriptures, “Men are then they might have Joy!”, comes from us stretching ourselves and trying new things, doing things that we are inspired to do, but never thought possible, and learning and FINDING joy along the way.

Instead of choosing to keep ourselves in that place where no growth can take place, we have to let ourselves soar!  It doesn’t matter what our circumstances are, what type of person we are married to, or what we think we are limited to. If we have the faith to stretch, then we will soar to new and greater heights and we will find JOY, the truest joy that can never be obtained by someone else doing it for us or watching someone else do it. We have to move out of our comfort zone and do it ourselves. Fight!  Fight for what’s naturally yours.  You can do it - I have faith in you!

Do you hear what I hear?

      When I began this journey of looking into the subconscious mind (the spirit), I saw everything in symbols. At first this was both frustrating and hard for me. Most of the time I needed to look up the symbols I was seeing.

      One of the symbols that I saw while I was looking at my husband intrigued me; it was the symbol of the Vitruvian Man by Renaissance artist Leonardo da Vinci. Although made famous by Leonardo da Vinci, the figure known as the Vitruvian man is actually named for the man who created him, the Roman architect Vitruvius. Vitruvius, a proponent of the Sacred Geometry of Pythagoras, designed temples based on the proportions of the human body, believing them to be perfect. This perfection, wrote Vitruvius, was evidenced by the fact that the extended limbs of a perfectly proportioned human fit into both the circle and the square. According to Pythagorean tradition, the circle represents the spiritual realm; the square, material existence, so the human body represented the perfect marriage of matter and spirit, which is reflected in its proportions. 

       So in fine, the meaning of the symbol is that when our bodies and our spirits unite and become one, it creates this perfect union. I knew that the symbol was both significant to me as well as my husband. It let me know how important it was for me to unite with both my body and my spirit. It was a good reminder and gave me courage to continue on this journey.

        Sometimes we walk around thinking and feeling like God isn’t hearing and answering our prayers. Well that just isn’t so. It’s not if he answers; it’s how we recieve the answers and how we come to learn how to listen. It is not a generalized prescribed way of listening, everyone hears differently and it’s up to us to find out how WE listen.

       After seeing symbols for a while I started to get one word through the spirit. These single words led to a fullon sentence. Some people don’t get words or sentences at all. Some feel the answers, or get visuals that come to their minds. Another form of getting answers that I’ve seen is through trust.  Do we really know how God feels about us? Does God already have that kind of trust that was formed from even before we came here? I have seen this evident while working with others that they struggle to find the answers but I see that they have already formed a trust with God and He expects them to search, ponder, make a decision, and then present it to him.  You can be led in the right direction once you get started; that is an amazing way of getting an answer. God already trusts you. That is another reason to turn towards your spirits because you need to know what kind of relationship you already had with God before you came here. If we could choose right and wrong before we came here then we know that there was more that was going on before we came here, than we realize now.

        In his autobiography the prophet Spencer W. Kimball gives a great analogy. He says, “When a man owes a man money, the man who owes the other man money, always holds it against the man who he owes.” Before we came to earth we covenanted with God that we would keep His commandments and do all that we could to serve others and find out who we were before we came here. So when we blame God, in some form or another, it is because we are indebted to Him and we are not living up to our covenants that we made while we lived with Him. We could be holding it against Him by ignoring promptings, avoiding change, angrily going through trials instead of allowing ourselves to learn, falling when the winds prevail against us, not trusting in God's plan by taking too much control, not allowing others to learn and grow, blaming Him for how our life has gone after all that we’ve been prompted to do, etc.

        The following is a good exercise that I recommend to people. When you are praying, say your thanks then let go of the control.  Letting go of the control is the hardest part because we take control out of fear; fear of being led astray, fear of not believing in our own abilities to get the answers right away fear of being deceived. If we don’t learn to give control to the Lord than we will always be in constant conflict between our spirit and our body.

        Our spirits naturally want to connect and praise God. We control that outcome by controlling how we connect with God, and how we sometimes get our answers. For instance, if we want to receive answers, we sometimes don’t realize that we are taking control by saying in our minds, “this is the only way I hear answers.” If we do that, then we are in control and not the spirit. We have to learn to submit to the spirit. When we are saying our prayers, we should be open to other ways of receiving answers. By praying and letting go, the spirit takes control of what we need to pray for, because after all God already knows what we need and sometimes we may be surprised at what we are being guided to pray for.  This is just another witness of the fact that God truly knows who we are and what the intent of our heart is.

       One type of control that we sometimes use is called logic. This is used both for good and for bad. If we use this too much then we sometimes can block the spirit from entering into our minds and hearts, thus leaning on our own understanding. I am a pattern reader; I look for patterns in everything. This is both a gift and a curse because when you use logic when looking for patterns then we can be misled. When you use the spirit when looking at patterns in life, then you can be led to further knowledge.

        I could tell when I was using too much logic and my own energy when I started out helping other people. I would be both spiritually and physically exhausted when I was done helping another person. This should not be the case. When using the spirit properly we are both edified and have more energy.  We are excited that we were able to help the person and for being able to let go of the control and let the spirit flow.  A good visual that I give to people on this is to imagine the spirit flowing through you like a gentle breeze flowing gently over your face. Most of us do not realize how much we take over the control so it is vital for us to be more aware and change.

        Have you ever noticed that people are attracted to you in some form or another, or just the opposite? I liken this to the parable of the fig tree. Our spirits know each other our conscious minds do not. We do not have the veil over our spirits but over our minds. So when we see another person and we know them, it’s because our spirits know them. If we know that they can help us, then our spirits know this.  If we are not united and are not one with our spirits we can become like the fig tree, producing beautiful flowers and not producing fruit. Our fruit is designed not just for ourselves but for others to enjoy. If we are not becoming one with both our spirits and our bodies then we are just a tree with pretty flowers to look at but not to fully enjoy. When we are uniting our spirits with our bodies then we can become like a temple, where the spirit dwells, where we do service for others both here and on the other side of the veil, and become a servant of the Lord.

        What I learned from seeing symbols at first was to dig deeper. Find the roots that connect us to God and release the things that keep us from moving forward. I love the quote that says, “if it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you."

        Leonardo da Vinci was right on with the Vitruvian man, when we are united both body and spirit we are perfectly proportioned.

Validation!

      After having my sixth child, I realized that I needed to really start honing in on my gifts. The motivation came when my son was only a few weeks old. I started to notice that he would keep his head cocked to one side, his head and neck would not line up straight. So I took him to a kinesiologist, which helped a little. He also had a red rash that was bothering him. He was constantly scratching it and making his rash worse. I took him to the doctors and all they could do for him was prescribe a topical cream that I believed was too toxic to use on a newborn.

       As I was praying about what to do I had a prompting to take him to a friend of mine. She does similar clearing to what I do. As I was sitting there holding my baby in her office, I could see his rash starting to disappear. His main issue pertained to feeling (emotion) he had that being alive in the world at this time was toxic. His rash became better and more manageable and not so red and itchy as the weeks went by. His head and neck alignment became straighter.  

       When he was about six months old we tried to feed him solid foods and soon found out that he was allergic to wheat, Soy, and almost every kind of baby food. There where only two that he wasn’t’ allergic to. He had texture issues and didn’t like a lot of fruits and vegetables.  I was starting to feel a little panicked thinking that my baby would not be able to eat anything. I was praying diligently to know what to do for him. The thought came to me to take him off of everything that he was allergic to and only feed him goat’s milk. It was the only thing I could think of at the time that didn’t contain soy. I also kept taking him in to be cleared.

        I noticed that he progressed more slowly than my other children, walked later, and didn’t really talk well till he was four. His speech therapist told me that she thought he might have high functioning Asperger’s.  After I learned how to clear things, I continued to clear him, on and off. He’s now six and has no allergies. He has a passion for learning and is doing great in school! He is an amazing reader! We are so happy with how far he has come.

         I started having physical issues with my body after my eighth child. First my gallbladder then my thyroid had issues. Also my scalp became red, itchy and hot to the touch. I also lost hair around the front part of my head. My spirit was trying to awaken my conscious mind to the truth while I was fighting what I knew I needed to do. I started by taking a class from a friend of mine that was LDS based, to learn how to clear things.  From there my gifts took off. What I needed, but didn’t realize at the time, was validation.

        Taking a class on energy work helped me develop my faith in myself. It helped me to see that all I needed was validation. I was soon able to see that the gifts I was receiving weren't coming because of some curriculum that I was using but were coming from God. I realized that if I put my trust in God, and only him, then he could use me to be an instrument in helping others come to know for themselves too.   

       Sometimes we have unexplained physical issues either because the doctor can’t find out what’s going on and it’s hidden like a hidden tumor, or it’s spiritual. In my experience when this occurs in my self or in others, there is a somewhat general format for it, that becomes evident.  

The following is a general list, taken from my experiences:

-Gallbladder- represents the gall of bitterness. Bitter about changing and facing things in your life.

-Thyroid- represents relationships. Relationship with yourself, God, Others. Not having a good relationship with your self or with others to work on inner self.

-Hormone imbalance. Fighting against what comes naturally, creating an imbalance in ones inner ability to connect and become one both body and spirit.

-High blood pressure. Angrily fighting against what you are destined to do and what will bring you the most joy.

-Low blood pressure. Giving up pride, fully giving in to what your spirit desires.

-Low Iron. Not giving what our spirit desires, a peace of mind knowing that you are moving in the direction predestined for you.

-Loss of hair/Autoimmune fighting against what comes naturally to you. Wanting what the world wants.

-Digestion. Not digesting what you need to turn towards pertaining to your inner self.

-Spleen/circulation issues. Fears about being who you are supposed to become. It doesn’t circulate well with you.

-Issues with your left side represent Female side

-Issues with your right side represent Male side

These are just to list a few and yes there’s more.

-Fatigue. Feeling of not wanting to deal with things that you should be dealing with, feeling overwhelmed.

       With his permission, I will tell you about my oldest son who has gifts and was fighting against them because of fear of being judged. His inner fight surfaced in misbehavior, in his fighting us on everything. He to was having low iron issues, thyroid issues ect. His gifts are amazing. They are different then mine but even though I have my gifts, I still didn’t completely understand his. It didn’t dawn on me until one day I was talking with a girl about his age about her gifts.  Through the spirit I realized that he had the same gifts as this girl. When I asked him about my impression he shrugged, even avoided eye contact with me. Then to my surprise he told me that he did in fact have those same gifts. His gifts are the ability to see people's Auras. He can see them in color too. The color tells him what type of person they are and he can also tell if they are lying to him or not. He felt alone in his gifts and even unaccepted. After talking about his gifts, he has realized his value more. All he needed was validation.

       Validation is the key element in receiving and recognizing our inner self. Who we are and who we can become.  In order to recognize them, our inner abilities, it is vital to first recognize it in ourselves, then in turn help others recognize theirs. It’s like giving oxygen to youself, than to others. First, start by surrounding yourself with those that can help improve and enhance your gifts and abilities. Ones who will lift and help you become better. When you surround yourself with like minded people, you feel the spirit the same as they do. You can then help each other validate what you are seeing and feeling.

       Being an instrument in the hands of God means to turn toward what naturally is given to you and not fight it. Part of using your faith is serving your family, others and God. We all have fears of being expected to do more then we are capable of. Well that statement is true. God knows us best and yes he knows that we are capable of more. If we fear what God thinks we can handle, then we are missing out on the true joy of this life. Yes Satan is real. Oh Satan, he loves to make us think that he has power over us but he doesn’t unless we give it to him. Think of this, if misery loves company who is the most miserable of all beings? Satan! Does he feel fear? Does he feel annoyed, disappointed, depressed and sad? Do these feelings draw us closer to him? Why do we give him place within our hearts?

       Be brave! Because when we are brave, inspiration opens up to our minds and we will be surprised at what we are shown! Than we are turning towards that which we should have been turning towards all along, which brings us true joy. We should be relying more upon the Lord and not our own logic to try to control the outcome. Do what is right, let the consequence follow.